Weddings and Ham

Father Shaughnessy found himself next to Imam Abdulrahman at a charity function and could not help but notice that the Imam was picking at his food as though he suspected it of being less than Halal. Smiling slyly, the good priest whispered, "Come, Abdulrahman, when are you going to break down and eat a nice slice of ham?" "At your wedding, Father," said Imam Abdulrahman at once.

crossdressing in saudi arabia

Ibn Abbas narrated "The Prophet(S) cursed the men who dressed like women and the women who dressed like men." (Bukhari)

I was discusing this hadith and some how we fell upon the horrible thought that there could be thousands of males walking around Saudi Arabia publically dressed as women and no one would ever know:)

Assimilation

Everyone is always complaining how we just don't fit into American society, well It seems American Muslims are assimilating just fine into American Society. Less than half of us bothered to vote in the last election. See we are just like everyone else.

Phatwa Phactory

found this web site and most of it was quite amusing

http://www.phatwafactory.com/

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...
You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative
You expect the confirmation on your airline ticket to read "insha'allah"
You don't expect to eat dinner before 10:30 p.m.
You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees outside
Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid
You believe that speed limits are only advisory
You have no problem with tractors driving 40kph on the highway
You think all cops drive Audis and Mercedes Benz'
You know whether or not you are within missile range of Iraq
You get excited and spread the news when "Oreo" cookies show up at the grocery store
You fully expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign
You know which end of a shawarma to unwrap first
You think that the further you inch into the middle of an intersection, the faster the light will turn green
You consider it normal for the same section of the road to be dug up three times by contractors in the space of a few weeks
You understand that the true definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the light turning green and the guy behind you honking his horn
You think that all gas stations are made of marble
You can receive every TV station crystal clear except the local one
You get used to using the cold water tap to get hot water during the summer
You make left turns from the far right lane without a second thought
You expect gold for every birthday
You think Pepsi begins with a "B"
You think that a box of kleenex belongs on every dinner table
You think water only comes in bottles
You understand that when someone says "Bukra (tomorrow), Insha'Allah" to you it really means "Sometime during this calendar year"...if you're lucky!

can't we all get along

A man was was walking across a bridge one day, and he saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off and commit suicide. He immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. The man said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well ... are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too!
Are you Muslim, Christian or Jewish?" "Muslim." "Me too!
Sunni or Shiite?" "Sunni." "Me too!
Hanafi, Hanbali, Shafi or Maliki?" "Hanafi." "Wow! Me too!
Do you follow Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani or Sheikh Kaza Kazah?" "Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani." To which he said, "What?!! Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

Airport Security

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying British Airways Flight 324 nonstop from London to New York. We are still awaiting our security clearance from U.S. authorities, but it's safe to assume that we'll land in New York sometime in the next month or so. If you look to your left, you will see a landmark tha tattracts more than one million tourists every year. It's called Heathrow Airport. Yes, we haven't yet taken off, as a few astute passengers have noticed. Needless to say, wewould rather wait on the ground than in the air -- it's so much easier to get a refill. You won't believe how fast we go through our liquor cart. The weather in New York is cold and breezy, with a 30 percent chance of snow. But why am I telling you that? By the time we get there, it might be summer. Of course, there is still a possibility the status of this flight will be changed to "delayed indefinitely" from its current status of "delayed definitely." If that happens, youmay be asked to disembark immediately. With that in mind, I would advise you not to get too comfortable. You may recline your seat and stretch your legs, but please don't change into your pajamas.If you are spotted wearing pajamas in the airport, the United States may revoke your visa. In fact, if you are seen wearing any type of clothing that does not conform to standards established by the U.S. Attorney General, as specified in Section IV, Paragraph 3 of the Anti-Terrorism Law, you may be denied entry into the United States, unless, of course, you can prove you're a member of the clergy. Please do not take this personally. These measures have been taken to protect you from people who look like you. As you've probably heard, the U.S. government recently raised the national threat level to orange, which meansthere's a high risk of terrorists attacking people with oranges. This may seem like a minor threat to you, but has anyone ever squeezed an orange peel into your eye?As a result of this threat, airport security has been beefed up, with apologies to our vegetarian passengers. Some of you already know this, having spent the last two hours being poked at. A few of you may have come under extra scrutiny, especially if you have names such as Hussein, Ahmed and Abdul. But most of you are white and your names, thankfully, create no concern, as I just told the three men in firstclass, an Englishman named Hunt, an American named Rob, anda Dutchman named Harm. Once we get to New York, you may be photographed and fingerprinted, especially if you come from a non-Europeancountry. Please do not take this personally. No one is saying that you're a terrorist. They're just saying that you look like one. Before I finish, I'd like to draw your attention to the back of the plane, where you'll see that we have an Indian man flying with us today. Please do not panic. He has been through a special 16-hour security check. We even tested the oil in his hair. You'll be glad to know that it isn't flammable. Among the items we've confiscated from this man are two sharp pencils, one orange and a bottle of a caustic,tongue-burning substance that he claims is lemon pickle. Anyway, I just want you to know that this man will soon get up to use the restroom, escorted by three armed flight marshals. His activities in the restroom will be observedwith 206 cameras, one for every bone in his body. He has been instructed to keep his hands raised above his head at all times, so you might not want to use the restroom after him. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, I'm retiring in a couple of months and I feel a strong urge to be completely open with my passengers, an urge I've had ever since the liquor cart went by.