Thursday, February 22, 2007

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...
You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative
You expect the confirmation on your airline ticket to read "insha'allah"
You don't expect to eat dinner before 10:30 p.m.
You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees outside
Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid
You believe that speed limits are only advisory
You have no problem with tractors driving 40kph on the highway
You think all cops drive Audis and Mercedes Benz'
You know whether or not you are within missile range of Iraq
You get excited and spread the news when "Oreo" cookies show up at the grocery store
You fully expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign
You know which end of a shawarma to unwrap first
You think that the further you inch into the middle of an intersection, the faster the light will turn green
You consider it normal for the same section of the road to be dug up three times by contractors in the space of a few weeks
You understand that the true definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the light turning green and the guy behind you honking his horn
You think that all gas stations are made of marble
You can receive every TV station crystal clear except the local one
You get used to using the cold water tap to get hot water during the summer
You make left turns from the far right lane without a second thought
You expect gold for every birthday
You think Pepsi begins with a "B"
You think that a box of kleenex belongs on every dinner table
You think water only comes in bottles
You understand that when someone says "Bukra (tomorrow), Insha'Allah" to you it really means "Sometime during this calendar year"...if you're lucky!


Hali Cespedes Zane said...

"You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees outside"

When I was a teenager, my parents lived in Saudi Arabia. However, starting in 10th grade, Americans had to go to school outside the country. I spent two years in the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts but would go back to the KSA every winter and summer vacation.

One of the winters was particularly cold, even by Northeastern standards - highs during the day were around 14 degrees F. So you can imagine how delightful it was to step off the plane and immediately feel the blast of warm desert wind.

But when my parents met me, they were bundled up in big, woolly sweaters. "Aren't you freezing?" my mom exclaimed. "It's 69 degrees outside!"

Irving said...

ha, the previous comment really made the post come true for me :)

Ya Haqq!

Anonymous said...

Salam alaikum.

Could you add "" to your bog roll. I mean blog roll.

Tis not particularly hilarious, but quite funny in another way. Quaint if not.

bibliophile said...

Assalaamu aleikum

I just found your blog via Sunni sisters. It's hilarious! I'll be stopping by often in sha Allah. We need good clean "halal" fun, please don't go the way of Little Mosque on the Prairie that became crude and tasteless after the first episode. Humour is cool, innuendo isn't.

Reem said...

I cannot believe how incredibly accurate your comments are! We moved from Canada to Qatar two years ago and these jokes you made are bang on! It is true..someone once said...what is truly personal is most general.

You are a great writer. Ma'Sha'Allah.

R.S. in Qatar

Anonymous said...

"You don't expect to eat dinner before 10:30 p.m."

you remind me with the good old days

Anonymous said...

Salamu Alaykum Bro. Ed! (i.e. God's peace to you, Brother Ed)

Thanks for the "gentle reminders".

Please pray for our families as we prepare our children to learn of these things, too.

May we each be benefited by our efforts, en sha Allah (according to the will of Allah). May Allah subhanna waatallah (i.e. Almighty God) continue to bless you and your family, in this life and in your afterlives, en sha Allah (i.e according to His will).

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