You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...
You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative
You expect the confirmation on your airline ticket to read "insha'allah"
You don't expect to eat dinner before 10:30 p.m.
You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees outside
Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid
You believe that speed limits are only advisory
You have no problem with tractors driving 40kph on the highway
You think all cops drive Audis and Mercedes Benz'
You know whether or not you are within missile range of Iraq
You get excited and spread the news when "Oreo" cookies show up at the grocery store
You fully expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign
You know which end of a shawarma to unwrap first
You think that the further you inch into the middle of an intersection, the faster the light will turn green
You consider it normal for the same section of the road to be dug up three times by contractors in the space of a few weeks
You understand that the true definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the light turning green and the guy behind you honking his horn
You think that all gas stations are made of marble
You can receive every TV station crystal clear except the local one
You get used to using the cold water tap to get hot water during the summer
You make left turns from the far right lane without a second thought
You expect gold for every birthday
You think Pepsi begins with a "B"
You think that a box of kleenex belongs on every dinner table
You think water only comes in bottles
You understand that when someone says "Bukra (tomorrow), Insha'Allah" to you it really means "Sometime during this calendar year"...if you're lucky!

can't we all get along

A man was was walking across a bridge one day, and he saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off and commit suicide. He immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. The man said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well ... are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too!
Are you Muslim, Christian or Jewish?" "Muslim." "Me too!
Sunni or Shiite?" "Sunni." "Me too!
Hanafi, Hanbali, Shafi or Maliki?" "Hanafi." "Wow! Me too!
Do you follow Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani or Sheikh Kaza Kazah?" "Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani." To which he said, "What?!! Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.