Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Friday, November 30, 2007

Perfect Woman

"Why aren't you married, Master?" a disciple once asked Nasruddin.
Nasruddin replied, "All my life I was looking for a perfect woman."
The young man shook his head and sighed with sympathy, "I guess you haven't found one
yet."
"No, actually a few years ago I met a woman who was perfect in every way," said Nasruddin.
"She was kind, beautiful and intelligent. Unfortunately, she was looking for a perfect man."

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Aliens in America

I caught this monday a new show called Aliens in America. it is about a Boy from pakistan who comes to America as an exchange student. The episode i saw was very nice, funny. now i have only seen one episode, so if anyone has some comments on this show would apperciate it. if you haven't scene the show here is the official info from CW .

Justin Tolchuck (Dan Byrd, "The Hills Have Eyes") is a sensitive, lanky 16-year old just trying to make it through the social nightmare of high school in Medora, Wisconsin, with the help of his well-meaning mom Franny (Amy Pietz, "Caroline in the City"), aspiring-entrepreneur dad Gary (Scott Patterson, "Gilmore Girls") and his beautiful and popular younger sister Claire (Lindsey Shaw, "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide"). Although he's bright and funny, Justin is also shy, socially awkward and pretty much resigned to the fact that he'll never be one of the cool kids. Franny, however, is the kind of take-charge mom who micro-manages her family, and she's come up with a plan to help Justin: she signs up for the school's international exchange student program. Picturing an athletic, brilliant Nordic teen, Franny is sure this new friendship will bestow instant coolness on her outsider son. However, when the Tolchuck's exchange student arrives, he turns out to be Raja Musharaff (Adhir Kalyan, "Fair City"), a 16-year-old Muslim from a small village in Pakistan. Raja is thoughtful, responsible and wise beyond his years. To the Tolchucks and everyone else in Medora, he's also just about as foreign as a foreigner can be. While the rest of the family is slightly freaked out by the Muslim in their midst, Gary is comforted by the fact that the host family receives a monthly check to help with expenses. This fits right in with Gary's money-making schemes, and when he sees how hard-working and respectful Raja is, he's totally on board. As for Claire, she's too busy with her friends and her new boyfriend to pay much attention to their houseguest, but Raja is smitten from the moment he first sees her. After the initial shock wears off, Justin is quickly won over by Raja's humor, gestures of friendship and by their common status as outsiders. Despite the cultural chasm between them, Justin and Raja develop an unlikely bond that just might allow them to navigate the minefield that is contemporary high school. It's going to be a very interesting year for Raja, Justin, his family and the entire population of Medora.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Fastest group

In listening to a recent lecture by a "Islamic Scholar" who went through and declared this group and that sect heretics and Non-muslims I can only state that it would seem that as Muslims we are the fastest shrinking religion in the world.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

group of Muslims

A group of wolves is a pack, a group of elephants is a herd a group of lions is a pride, a group of fish is a school, a group of birds is a flock, a group of Muslims is an argument.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Weddings and Ham

Father Shaughnessy found himself next to Imam Abdulrahman at a charity function and could not help but notice that the Imam was picking at his food as though he suspected it of being less than Halal. Smiling slyly, the good priest whispered, "Come, Abdulrahman, when are you going to break down and eat a nice slice of ham?" "At your wedding, Father," said Imam Abdulrahman at once.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

crossdressing in saudi arabia

Ibn Abbas narrated "The Prophet(S) cursed the men who dressed like women and the women who dressed like men." (Bukhari)

I was discusing this hadith and some how we fell upon the horrible thought that there could be thousands of males walking around Saudi Arabia publically dressed as women and no one would ever know:)

Friday, March 30, 2007

Assimilation

Everyone is always complaining how we just don't fit into American society, well It seems American Muslims are assimilating just fine into American Society. Less than half of us bothered to vote in the last election. See we are just like everyone else.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Phatwa Phactory

found this web site and most of it was quite amusing

http://www.phatwafactory.com/

Thursday, February 22, 2007

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...

You Know You've Lived in the Middle East Too Long When ...
You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is provocative
You expect the confirmation on your airline ticket to read "insha'allah"
You don't expect to eat dinner before 10:30 p.m.
You need a sweater when it's 80 degrees outside
Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid
You believe that speed limits are only advisory
You have no problem with tractors driving 40kph on the highway
You think all cops drive Audis and Mercedes Benz'
You know whether or not you are within missile range of Iraq
You get excited and spread the news when "Oreo" cookies show up at the grocery store
You fully expect to go to jail when a local national hits the back of your car at a stop sign
You know which end of a shawarma to unwrap first
You think that the further you inch into the middle of an intersection, the faster the light will turn green
You consider it normal for the same section of the road to be dug up three times by contractors in the space of a few weeks
You understand that the true definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the light turning green and the guy behind you honking his horn
You think that all gas stations are made of marble
You can receive every TV station crystal clear except the local one
You get used to using the cold water tap to get hot water during the summer
You make left turns from the far right lane without a second thought
You expect gold for every birthday
You think Pepsi begins with a "B"
You think that a box of kleenex belongs on every dinner table
You think water only comes in bottles
You understand that when someone says "Bukra (tomorrow), Insha'Allah" to you it really means "Sometime during this calendar year"...if you're lucky!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

can't we all get along

A man was was walking across a bridge one day, and he saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off and commit suicide. He immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. The man said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well ... are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too!
Are you Muslim, Christian or Jewish?" "Muslim." "Me too!
Sunni or Shiite?" "Sunni." "Me too!
Hanafi, Hanbali, Shafi or Maliki?" "Hanafi." "Wow! Me too!
Do you follow Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani or Sheikh Kaza Kazah?" "Sheikh Fulaan al Fullani." To which he said, "What?!! Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Airport Security

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying British Airways Flight 324 nonstop from London to New York. We are still awaiting our security clearance from U.S. authorities, but it's safe to assume that we'll land in New York sometime in the next month or so. If you look to your left, you will see a landmark tha tattracts more than one million tourists every year. It's called Heathrow Airport. Yes, we haven't yet taken off, as a few astute passengers have noticed. Needless to say, wewould rather wait on the ground than in the air -- it's so much easier to get a refill. You won't believe how fast we go through our liquor cart. The weather in New York is cold and breezy, with a 30 percent chance of snow. But why am I telling you that? By the time we get there, it might be summer. Of course, there is still a possibility the status of this flight will be changed to "delayed indefinitely" from its current status of "delayed definitely." If that happens, youmay be asked to disembark immediately. With that in mind, I would advise you not to get too comfortable. You may recline your seat and stretch your legs, but please don't change into your pajamas.If you are spotted wearing pajamas in the airport, the United States may revoke your visa. In fact, if you are seen wearing any type of clothing that does not conform to standards established by the U.S. Attorney General, as specified in Section IV, Paragraph 3 of the Anti-Terrorism Law, you may be denied entry into the United States, unless, of course, you can prove you're a member of the clergy. Please do not take this personally. These measures have been taken to protect you from people who look like you. As you've probably heard, the U.S. government recently raised the national threat level to orange, which meansthere's a high risk of terrorists attacking people with oranges. This may seem like a minor threat to you, but has anyone ever squeezed an orange peel into your eye?As a result of this threat, airport security has been beefed up, with apologies to our vegetarian passengers. Some of you already know this, having spent the last two hours being poked at. A few of you may have come under extra scrutiny, especially if you have names such as Hussein, Ahmed and Abdul. But most of you are white and your names, thankfully, create no concern, as I just told the three men in firstclass, an Englishman named Hunt, an American named Rob, anda Dutchman named Harm. Once we get to New York, you may be photographed and fingerprinted, especially if you come from a non-Europeancountry. Please do not take this personally. No one is saying that you're a terrorist. They're just saying that you look like one. Before I finish, I'd like to draw your attention to the back of the plane, where you'll see that we have an Indian man flying with us today. Please do not panic. He has been through a special 16-hour security check. We even tested the oil in his hair. You'll be glad to know that it isn't flammable. Among the items we've confiscated from this man are two sharp pencils, one orange and a bottle of a caustic,tongue-burning substance that he claims is lemon pickle. Anyway, I just want you to know that this man will soon get up to use the restroom, escorted by three armed flight marshals. His activities in the restroom will be observedwith 206 cameras, one for every bone in his body. He has been instructed to keep his hands raised above his head at all times, so you might not want to use the restroom after him. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, I'm retiring in a couple of months and I feel a strong urge to be completely open with my passengers, an urge I've had ever since the liquor cart went by.

Friday, January 19, 2007

The Law

670,616,629.384 MPH not just a good idea its the law

Monday, January 15, 2007

Lying

The Imam told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my Khutba, I want you all to read Surah Al Mu’mimun Ayats 95 to 100."

The following Friday, as he prepared to deliver his Khutba, the Imam asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Surah Al Mu’mimun Ayats 95 to 100." Every hand went up. The Imam smiled and said, " Surah Al Mu’mimun has only 93 ayats. I will now proceed with my Khutba on the sin of lying."

Friday, January 12, 2007

dihydrogen monoxide

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” And for plenty of good reasons:
1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. It is a major component of acid rain
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
5. It contributes to erosion
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer
He asked fifty people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
Forty-three said yes and six were undecided. Only one knew that the chemical, “dihydrogen monoxide” was water. The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible are We?” He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Misunderstanding

the khatib intoned from the minbar, “Allah, without you we are but dust.”
At that moment a little boy leaned over to his father and asked quite audibly, “Baba, what is butt dust?”
You can imagine it took a while for everything to settle down after that.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Little Mosque on the praire

This could either end up being really good or pretty bad. the clips i saw were funny. I am also pretty sure you are going to either love it or hate it.

http://www.littlemosque.ca/

In a show that will be the first of its kind on North American TV, CBC plans to begin a new comedy series about a small community of Muslims living in rural Saskatchewan.

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/tv/story/2007/01/03/little-mosque.html

LITTLE MOSQUE ON THE PRAIRIE is a new comedy from CBC Television about a
small Muslim community in the prairie town of Mercy, many of whose residents are
wary of their new, more “exotic” neighbors. The series takes an unabashedly funny look
at the congregation of a rural mosque and their attempt to live in harmony with the often
skeptical, even down right suspicious, residents of their little prairie town. The sitcom
reveals that, although different, we are all surprisingly similar when it comes to family,
love, the generation gap and our attempts to balance our secular and religious lives.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Inshallah

I think as Muslims we should watch how we use the phrase Inshallah.
I kid you not, went to barnes and noble this week, a bookstore chain here in the states, and went to the foriegn language section. they had many books on arababic and i decided to browse them, there were several phrase books which i liked but here is the kicker, the first one translated Inshallah as "probably or maybe", and the second one translated it as "probably NOT"