getting the Syrian Govt. To do something

Abdullah was in jail in Damascus and he receives a letter from his wife which read: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" Abdullah, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all my papers." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." Abdullah wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

action

Trotting along on his donkey, Mulla Nasrudin was trying to eat some mulberry-flour. But each time he tried to empty some out of the bag into his mouth, the wind blew it away.
A passing farmer called out:
'What are you doing, Mulla?'
'At this rate,' said Nasrudin, 'I am not doing anything at all.'

The courts clean up

A dog had fouled the road between two houses. Each neighbour claimed that the other should clear it up.
Nasrudin was in court when the matter came before the summary judge.
This judge resented Nasrudin's claiming to be an adjudicator in common law. The case was difficult, so he decided to take Nasrudin down a peg or two.
'I will abide by your decision, Mulla Nasrudin,' he said, 'since this is a difficult case. You have the final word.'
'My decision', the Mulla immediately answered, 'is that since it is for the judiciary to clear up matters in dispute -- you should clean it up.'

Get the dates right

A guide was taking a party round the British Museum.
'This sarcophagus is five thousand years old.'
A bearded figure with a turban stepped forward. 'You are mistaken,' said Nasrudin, 'for it is five thousand and three years old.'
Everyone was impressed, and the guide was not pleased. They passed into another room.
'This vase', said the guide, 'is two thousand five hundred years old.'
'Two thousand five hundred and three,' intoned Nasrudin.
'Now look here,' said the guide, 'how can you date things so precisely ? I don't care if you do come from the East, people just don't know things like that.'
'Simple,' said Nasrudin. 'I was last here three years ago. That time you said the vase was two thousand five hundred years old.'

What is in My hand

Someone asked Nasrudin to guess what he had in his hand.“Give me a clue,” said the Mulla.“I'll give you several,” said the wag. “It is shaped like an egg, egg-sized, looks, tastes and smells like an egg. Inside it is yellow and white. It is liquid within before you cook it, coalesces with heat. It was, moreover, laid by a hen…”“I know!” interrupted the Mulla. “It is some sort of cake.”

Is it Me?

Nasrudin went into a bank with a cheque to cash.
'Can you identify yourself?' asked the clerk.
Nasrudin took out a mirror and peered into it.
'Yes, that's me all right,' he said.

Right some of the time

The Mulla's clock was always wrong.
'Can't you do something about that clock, Mulla?' someone asked him.
'What?'
'Well, it is never right. Anything would be an improvement on that.'
The Mulla hit it with a hammer. It stopped.
'You are right, you know,' he said, 'this really is an improvement.'
'I did not mean literally anything. How can it be better now than it was before?'
'Well, you see, before I stopped it it was never right. Now it is right twice a day, isn't it?'

Lost Donkey

Nasruddin loved his donkey. One day the townspeople came running, "Effendi, Effendi!, your little donkey is lost!"
Nasruddin replied: "Praised be to Allah! Why, if I was on him I would have been lost too!"

Company time

Hamza had taken a job in a factory. The foreman saw him lay down his tools and start to walk towards the door.
'What do you think you are doing?'
'I am going to have my hair cut.'
'You can't have your hair cut in the Company's time!'
'But I grew it in the Company's time.'
'Not all of it, you didn't.'
'All right, then, I won't have all of it off.'

Questions Answered

Nasruddin opened a booth with a sign above it: Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying: A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it? Yes, said Nasruddin, and the next question, please?

Katrina

After an extensive investigation The department of Homeland security has announced that they have found no connection between Islamic Terrorists and last year's unusually active Hurricane season. Muslims through out the world expressed relief that they would not be blamed for the hurricanes.
The FBI has stated that they are still investigating to see if the heavy rain which had caused flooding in Washington DC had any connection to Al-Qaeda.

traveling by donkey

Abdulrahman and his son were going from village to village and Abdulrahman walked beside the donkey that his elderly father was riding. In the first village, the people exclaimed: "OH! That poor young boy is walking while the father rides the donkey!"So the father got off and Abdulrahman got on and they went to the next village. In the next village, the people exclaimed, "OH! That poor old man is walking while his son rides the donkey!"So they both got on the donkey and the people in the third village exclaimed, "OH! That poor donkey! Carrying the weight of two people!"So they both carried the donkey on their backs and were laughed out of the fourth village!

The moral of the story: You can't please everybody

Turban

The wit and wisdom of Mullah Nasruddin never leaves him tongue-tied. One day an illiterate man came to Mullah Nasruddin with a letter he had received. "Mullah Nasruddin, please read this letter to me." Mullah Nasruddin looked at the letter, but could not make out a single word. So he told the man. "I am sorry, but I cannot read this." The man cried: "For shame, Mullah Nasruddin ! You must be ashamed before the turban you wear (i.e. the sign of education)" Mullah Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man, said: "There, now you wear the turban. If it gives some knowledge, read the letter yourself."

The Blanket

Hoja and the Blanket
Nasreddin Hoja was awakened one night by the cries of two quarreling men in front of his house. Wrapping his blanket tightly around his shoulders, he rushed outside to separate the men who had come to blows. But when he tried to reason with them, one of them snatched the blanket off Hoja's shoulders and ran away. Nasreddin Hoja, very weary and perplexed, returned to his house.

"What was the quarrel about?" his wife asked. "About our blanket," replied Nasreddin Hoja. "The blanket is gone, the quarrel is over."

good sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother:
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a camel with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Divan-e Hafez? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Divan. It took elders of the town 19 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the Ghazal number, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Ali," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. "Reza," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the camel. And the driver is so rude!" "My Dearest Nasruddin," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

Searching

One evening a friend of Nasrudin's came to visit him. He saw Nasrudin crawling on the ground looking for something. Nasrudin said that he had lost a valuable coin. The friend knelt down to help Nasrudin look for the money. After they had crawled all over the yard, Nasrudin's friend asked, "Exactly where did you drop the money?" I dropped it in the house," answered Nasrudin, "But we cannot look for the money in there. It's much too dark

shoplifting

A woman was caught on video in saudi arabia shop lifting at a mall. Police are looking for a female with brown eyes.